morning after

The light has started to get into my eyes. My body still feels a bit heavy, hesitant to move with my will. I opened my eyes and started rolling around in bed half naked. You weren't there anymore when i woke up. I sighed for a bit, then that infectious smile ran through my mind. How could i not mimic you after imagining your sweet smile. I wished for a few more minutes that you were still in bed with me. I grabbed my phone and saw a text message that you are already at work. I want to get up but the comfy bed won't just let me leave it yet. My aching body still wants a few more minutes of sleep. Then the alarm went off as scheduled, that means i really need to get up. And i did.

I went straight to the bathroom and ran hot water in the showers. Apparently it was too hot, i jumped out immediately as i went in. I decided to shower with cold water then. The cold water trickling down my back was a treat. It tingles and soothes my tired and aching muscles. Then i remembered how your cold fingers would touch my cheeks and my back. It was every time we hugged that i feel your icy fingers latch on to my back. It feels really nice, making me giddy like a kid. The same way the shower does. I shampooed my hair, scrubbed my skin and turned off the shower. I headed to the sink to brush my teeth. This time there was no mist on the mirror. I brushed my teeth, flossed and gargled as usual. Then i look at the mirror and still see that megawatt smile on my face. Today is nothing special, but i feel like a million dollars.

I got dressed for work, ate a bowl of cereal and grabbed a cup of coffee along the way. I went to work as usual, but with a spring in my step. My shift was over after 8 hours, but it didn't feel like that long to me. I checked my phone and it had 4 missed calls already, they were from you. So i instantly called you to check up on you. You sounded really sleepy that time and if i'm not mistaken, i hear the the TV in the background. You said you couldn't cook dinner, you were too tired. I said ok, i'll try to get something along the way. I grabbed a couple of burgers and a 6 pack of Coors along the road. I arrived at home and i saw you sprawled over the couch. I couldn't help but laugh at the silly sight. I feel bad though, seeing you tired like that. I went closer and pressed my lips onto your forehead to wake you up. You opened your eyes and smiled while i waved the burgers to your face. We slumped on the couch with your head was leaning over my shoulders. We were watching How I Met Your Mother reruns while chomping on Big Mac's and french fries. I opened a couple cans of beer and passed you some. We ended up watching 3 episodes and finished our very healthy dinner. We went upstairs and brushed our teeth, because we have an agreement about our dental hygiene. We did our routine and got ready for bed.

We tucked under the sheets and i propped up some pillows on my nape, getting ready to read the updates on my research project, while you are just watching the late night news. My eyes grew heavy as the night went on. I turned to my right and saw you already dozing off. I turned off the tv and stretched to the left to carefully place my paper on the table and switched the lamp off. I felt your hands rub against my back, making me feel very giddy again. I just turned and kissed you on the lips and murmured words. You smiled, i smiled. You aligned your body next to mine and we both fell into sleep.

Then its morning again, rolling in bed half naked, thinking about what's for dinner later. I just sighed and smiled again.

Dirty Dishes and De-constructed Dreams

earlier i was performing my duties as the Dish Washer. of course, it was piles and piles of dirty plates, cutleries, glasses, pots and pans which i have to manually wash. i’m not complaining though, because i know its my duty and avoiding my chore would mean that i’m trying to get away from responsibility.

to make this entry sensible, i have given up on my dream just to tend to my responsibilities as the eldest child in our family. i wanted to become a doctor, but because of financial constraints, i can’t be a doctor anymore. i know its sad, but i don’t have a choice. and being the eldest, even if its against my will, i have to support my sisters. there’s no way i can run away from that, i’m not a selfish kid anymore. maybe i’m maturing, but it doesn’t feel right to me. why am i the one who always compromises or compensates for the lack of what my parents can provide? im still a kid, i’m not even prepared to take on that whale of a responsibility. but i guess, i just have to. it’s what’s right and what’s moral. 

i was able to finish the dishes, will i be able to still live for my dream? i don’t even care anymore. i lost hope, but then again, i toughed it all out. i’ll just have to bear with it, i know someday, karma will smile upon me. and hopefully i will not smell like dirty dishwater when that time comes. 

the day i met the devil

last week, i only wanted to hang out with a few of my friends. we saw him on our way to bubbletea and of course i invited him over. we chatted and laughed over our kiwi slushie and red bean bubble slushie which were both absolutely delicious. we also ate a bowl of pork katsudon and when it was about 11pm we decided to go to tony's to have a drink.

we got there just by walking. we looked for a table where we can fit comfortably and still have a view of the live band. they were singing Yellow by Coldplay when we got there and memories just rushed in. of course i just sang along, not showing how "emo" i am with that song, that would have been pretty embarrassing to wail out to that song. eventually he ordered a tower of "weng weng." it was pink and it tasted like pomelo juice. i thought that it would be harmless, but i was wrong, fatally wrong. we finished 1 tower and ordered another 1. each sip was so addicting, it got me hooked more and more. i drank about 6 glasses and then the alcohol hit me. my brain was working but my body was paralyzed. i know if i get up that chair, i'd crash into the floor. IT WAS THE DEVIL, AND HE WAS PINK. i still drank about 2 glasses more and i was almost out. i was pretty much blabbering in english, the surest sign that i'm drunk. i could remember everything i said that night, i was still sane enough to be tactful and sensible. he had to go before 2am because his parents are looking for him, while we were left there drinking whats left of that dreadfully "traydor" drink.

luckily one of my friends had her fling fetch her and he was kind enough to drop us off at e.rod. we got off and we immediately headed to the sidewalk. we sat down for a while and i turned to the side to puke, gracefully. this was definitely the first time that i got hammered this much. i used to drink til 6am and i can still go home unscathed. maybe my alcohol tolerance decreased alot, or maybe i was just drinking too much in such a short time. luckily he didn't see me rolling in the streets and puking in the gutters.

i have this bad habit of getting drunk at all the wrong circumstances. when i wanna get roaring drunk, i get sober. when i want to be sober, i get hammered. i really need to tone down these self-humiliating scenes if want to show my best foot forward for him. i really like him and i think he knows that. he likes me back, so i guess the devil is not that bad after all.

marine biology

I’ve always wanted to learn and explore the life that I haven’t had. I wanted to join this dating site named Planet Romeo or PR in acronyms. I haven’t had a slight idea of what to expect in PR, it’s just that it was for the LGBTQ community. I’ve been a member for almost 8 months (?) now and I’ve seen and learned something new every time I log in. First of all, there is no L in this community. Secondly, thou shall not go unprepared, which I had done and have regretted pathetically. Lastly, in the vast number of members there, you can find what you’re looking for, you’ll just have to look and wait patiently and meticulously.


PR is known as the “The Great Blue Website,” it has this signature blue theme that really feels like the sea. I joined PR to learn the ways of the fishes and learned I did. I’ve seen a lot in such a short span of time, I’ve even made my own biological list of the organisms in that biome. I’ve also taken notes from the ones that I’ve made friends with. So here’s my short list of the living things that I took note of while diving into “The Great Blue.”

• Dolphins – these are the guys that use their brains instead of their dicks. Some look cute and some are actually good looking. They’re friendly and accomodating if you understand what they are saying. Some are elitists and wannabes; some are also jerks. I even saw a cocky dolphin, but he resembled like Empoy in real life. QUE HORROR! They have great pride with their intellect. They swim in numbers usually, very mafia to say the least. They believe that brains are sexier than muscles, in which I also agree. They tend to attract other dolphins and the narwhals. They are abundant in number; you just have to approach them appropriately. They are quite a good catch if ever you get to hook one. You might have to adjust to their way thinking though; they can play you like a marionette if you’re not careful enough.

• Narwhals – it’s a cross between a dolphin and a unicorn. Think of a dolphin with a long horn on their foreheads. These are the guys that look good in an awkward kind of way and have brains to boot. They are a sight to see, much like the real narwhals of the arctic. These guys are rare and treasured catches. They tend to be loners though, very elusive. They love to be in tight groups, but they love to socialize every now and then.They are very vulnerable and they tire easily, sharks prey on these guys a lot. These guys are loyal; they don’t split from their significant other once they have one. These are the most interesting creatures in “The Great Blue.” I’d like to believe that I’m a narwhal, but I don’t think I look good enough to be one *cough cough* moving on…

• Sharks – these are the guys that are aggressive and certainly out for blood. They know what they want and will certainly do everything they can to have meat. They range from buffed guys to adonis himself. The most superficial of all the creatures in the niche. They will pounce on innocent dolphins and narwhals or have fights with whales. They are also very territorial and will encroach on their possible victim. They are intellectual, but not like the narwhals and the dolphins, which makes them even more lethal. Plus, once they get tired of their prey, they’ll drop them off like a hot potato, or in this case, chum. Some of them hunt in packs, but they usually end up in the arms of each other. These guys are also good catches if you like your guys rough and savage. Its kinda fun seeing 2 sharks in the same room, you’ll definitely see sparks and sex instantly. Oooh la la!

• Whales – like how the real whales are known for, these whales are known for their blubber. These are the gentle giants who are swimming to find companionship. They somehow attract mermaids and kelp to them, but their usual diet is composed of shrimps. They are rich, intelligent, cute guys, but they are not popular due to their built. They somehow get into conflicts with sharks a lot. They usually want the sharks, but the sharks are too superficial to notice that. Instead they settle for the shrimps that would benefit from their money. Its quite sad seeing these gentle giants just taken for granted. They are good catches; you just have to look deeper into their blubber.

• Turtles – the aging populace of “The Great Blue.” They are usually the most stable of them all, some are even married. These guys love to be in the company of the dolphins. They look good in an aged Brad Pitt kind of way. They love intellectual talks and coffee. Maturity is their main weapon of choice. They are actually attractive because they know how to take care of themselves, meaning they aged gracefully. Since they experienced almost everything already, they are like sages, always full of knowledge and insight. They are definitely worth the wait and they are highly prized.

• Shrimps – these are the headless guys of the “The Great Blue Website.” Headless in a sense that they have no brains and that they have no face value at all. These are usually the ones being harvested for porn and online sex trafficking. They are the usual preys of mermaids and kelp. They’re very itchy and they love sex, all kinds of sex. Most of them joined PR to find potential customers for their “special” massages and service. Typically nocturnal and highly interactive. They are as aggressive as the sharks but all they can offer is their bodies. They love to prey on whales a lot, luring them with something the sharks are not capable of. They range from buffed bods to emaciated kids. These are not worth catching if you want something substantial.

• Mermaids – the guys that are now girls. It’s as simple as that. Weird thing though, some of them are top. I wouldn’t wanna know why. They tend to attract the whales, usually trick them, but not all of them are evil.  Some of them are nice and very pretty, some are downright nasty. They love to be in the limelight a lot. They are very showy and very flamboyant. Mystical, magical and memorable, yes. They spent a whole lot of investing on themselves that they forgot to invest on others. Mermaids and whales are the 2 most tragic creatures in “The Great Blue” maybe that’s why they tend to attract each other. They’re not as rare as the narwhals or the turtles, but they are still a good catch if something mythical is what you’re looking for.

• Oysters – these guys are the ones who are not open. In short, closet gays. They’re also elusive, because they have a secret they don’t want the world to know. Paranoid and defensive at some point. They are the ones that deny the issue, but everyone already knows that they are indeed gay. They will open up at some point. Some of them look cute, handsome even. They just need a bit of a nudge and some booze to loosen up. They carry a pearl inside, which is why they are not opening up. They have a tough exterior but they are pretty much vulnerable and defenseless inside. Much like the narwhal, but they have a better defense mechanism than narwhals. They are treasured because what they have inside is beautiful.

• Kelps – the vilest creature of them all. They will drown, entangle and suffocate you until you die. They are the ones who are sexually superactive and some of them harbor diseases. These are usually the ones who will drug you and date rape you. They thrive in numbers and they will pull you to your miserable death if you ever get tangled into these. They look good and they are quite intellectual, pretty much like a shark. They can disarm you with their charm, but once you get tangled with them, it’s bad prognosis for you. Sharks and Kelps are a good match if you ask me; they’ll both kill each other! Blood for everyone!

These are just some of my hypothetical creatures living inside the “The Great Blue.” I’m pretty sure there are other creatures in there just waiting to be discovered. I think I’ve encountered a starfish and a sea cucumber but I don’t have much data on them yet. Prolly on my next post, ill write down my personal diving history. I don’t dive around in PR a lot; I just go there and hope to see some good catch in my net. Not really successful, but I had bagged some. Teehee. I’m just looking for that something special, hopefully a narwhal. Heck, I might even discover new species soon. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I believe I did a pretty good job. YAY for me! 


*Disclaimer: the creatures aforementioned are based on my own opinions and observations. No animals were harmed during the whole expedition.

Mothers' Day

"back then, i didn't know why, why you were misunderstood. So now, i see through your eyes, all that you did was love."

matanda na ko, pero masaktan o masugatan man ako, palaging mommy ang unang salita sa bibig o utak ko. sa dami ng nasaksihan ko, ikaw pa rin ang unang tao sa tabi o sa likod ko. YAY MOMMY! MY TIGER MOM!

playing puzzles

the point where you don’t want to stagnate nor rush things. the point where everything is as exciting as the first time. the point where everything is laid back and relaxed, nothing too serious and nothing too complicated yet. i don’t usually thrive with uncertainty, but i think this not the circumstance to be so cautious. the water is fine, as to what they say. i’m not gonna dive head first, but still, there’s nothing wrong with living a little.

i’m not expecting, not even hoping. eventually things will fall into place, like our puzzle that we are slowly completing. the fun part is not the whole thing completed; but being with you enjoying the time spent together, looking silly trying to figure out which piece goes where, having fun and maybe falling in love(?) yes, there’s progress, but no rush, no pressure. i just want to play these puzzles with you.

of Nicotine and Caffeine and Overpriced cab fares.

We rode in the backseat of the cab and snuggled with each other. There was this sense of fatigue and comfort at the same time. He put his head over my shoulder and i can’t stop smiling, i don’t know why. My hands involuntary searched for his. Without us knowing, our fingers were interlaced. I was still smiling even though my eyes were closed.

The lights from the cars seemed inexistent, the noise, muffled. To feel someone so close and so warm was something new. Time was irrelevant, but reality catches up. We arrived our destination and split the cab fare in half, how dreary. We bade our goodbyes and goodnights. I felt my lips pressing unto his and it was pure bliss. Too bad that we are both turning into pumpkins this night. Magical night to say the least, and it includes our inclinations to discuss anime characters and series. How fun!

The last kiss tasted like Marlboro’s and cinnamon-flavored coffee. It also has that taste of intrigue and excitement. I’m constantly trying to blur out the details, but i can’t help it, im addicted to your lips laced with nicotine and caffeine. 

Nocturne

Another month has ended and I’m still stuck in the same scene. Still struggling to find motivation for my NCLEX exam; I seriously don’t know where and when to start. I wanna get this thing done and over with but I feel like I’m going nowhere. I’m desperately seeking for help but there are some things that I need to resolve on my own, and maybe, this is one of them.

I’ve finished my 25-day review session already, but I’m going to sit-in in the next batches of students. I just want to make sure that I take my test with 1 try only. I’ve been diligently taking down notes and I have been acing the post-tests. A good sign, yes? I still do hope that I will remember those things when I’m taking the real test. I need to fix my application for Chicago firstly though, and then everything will roll smoothly after that.

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Yesterday, Pinky and I went out to see the 2AM Grand Concert Tour at Eastwood Open Park. Luckily we got there around 30 minutes before the whole show started. We even got ourselves coffee and tea before JoKwon, JinWoon, SeuLong and ChangMin performed. Pinky bought the Saint ‘O Clock album for the free poster and ticket, but we decided not to go near the stage anymore.  Instead, we just stood outside the barricade and saw the whole thing from afar. It was super fun but super tiring. The fangirls came in throngs and of course our “fandom” had paled in comparison to theirs. We got squished and thrown around like ragdolls, some girl wreaked really bad, our clothes looked like hell after the concert was over. We blame the fangirls for those.

After the whole concert was over, we decided to eat at Fazoli’s; met up with Rhoma and Shey, both fangirls of 2AM too. Afterwards we met up with Ade at Kocco Tomas Morato. The 3 of us chatted for a while and Ade’s friend, Avery catched up on us. Basically, that spontaneous “psuedo-date” turned out really well. Had a lot of laughs and funny stories about our lives and the lives of other people. Then Avery invited us to a karaoke session with MJ, Ada and Faye at Karaoke Republic in Timog. We were walking and this grimey looking kid approached Avery. He was trying to sell flowers but actually he was a pickpocket. He got Avery’s phone which woke us up instantaneously. We tried to look for the kid, but he got on the jeep very quickly like a pro thief. We couldn’t do anything about it and Avery got a bit depressed about the whole incident. He ended up singing a lot, kind of his coping mechanism after losing something valuable. We understood and just let him be, but yeah we enjoyed his performances really well. They were performers and we kinda got insecure about our vocal prowess. LOL. So there, after the 3 hours was over, we all said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways. Another interesting thing happened though; the kid that stole Avery’s phone was trying to do the same manuever on MJ. We recognized him and threatened him to return Avery’s phone. He got defensive of course, kind of like the typical anti-social hoodlum he will turn out to be. I think he got the message to stay away because he did. If there were police around that area he would have been apprehended, but it was 5:00AM that time and most of the people are still asleep. I got home around 6-ish and headed straight to bed.

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This all-nighter was one of the needed few breaks from the monotony of my daily life. Tomorrow, I’ll be back to the same wash, rinse and repeat cycle of my life. Wash, rinse and repeat. Wash, rinse and repeat, til fade.

My circle of friends just got wider. I'm now friends with some girls and guys from PETA :)