Wednesday, March 26, 2014

2

I remember that night when I got drunk with my friends. I took a cab and Ed Sheeran's Give Me Love was playing. I broke down and cried. I wanted to hear your voice say my name. 

I had your name on speed dial. It rang 7 times until it disconnected on its own.

Thank you for not answering.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Existential Crisis Part 24


I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.

Haruhn Yahya 

So, yeah my blog has finally accumulated cobwebs and shit. I haven't written anything decent as a matter of fact, even on my tumblr. The past few months have been like a crazy roller coaster. Commuting to far flung areas that I have never imagined of going to. Dealing with people who demand so much but give so little. Co-workers who just make office life the seventh ring of hell. Basically, life. I never even thought I had one to be honest.

Apart from that, almost everyone from my batch mates, both in high school and college, has their lives put together. Meanwhile, I'm still flopping around like a fish out of water. Oh you know, me and my infinite downward spiral. As far as I know, I'm trying out whatever changes I can do with my life and none of them seem to work. Good job, me. Good job indeed.

The worst realization upon quitting my job is that I'm gonna be a quarter of a century year old soon. GODFREAKINGDAMMIT.

I'm just grateful that I am still here and I'm okay. I'm just "winging" everything to get by, I might even have mastered that skill.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Distance


As I lay on my warm bed, my skin feeling sticky and sweaty, I exasperated. The hot air blowing from the fan brushes on my hair and face. The gentle droning of the fan is slowly lulling me to a deep slumber.

Somehow, the empty space beside me just feels so enormous. I felt longing and yearning, but there was no one. You were just miles away.

My skin prickles with something more than just yearning. My hands tried to mimic yours. It moved over my ticklish places; the ones that you love touching and kissing. I’ve always liked how my skin feels slippery after you kissed them.

I hugged my pillow as tightly as I can. The heat was getting more intense. My heart was racing and I was panting. I closed my eyes and imagined you were here, caressing my pale, sweaty and silky skin.

My groin felt ticklish and numb while I was lucidly dreaming about you. I felt my hands slipping and stroking. I was giving in.

My lips were as dry as the Gobi. I wet them while moaning. If only you could see how sad this scene was. These were the scenes that we were supposed to be doing together. You could see and feel how I miss you; how I lust for you.

I was burning against the orange-tinged sunset behind my window. I should always maintain my silent dignity, for it is the only thing that is left with me. I will wait, but I can’t wait forever.

And when the deed was done, I lay there wet and limp like a lily.

These are the languid vestiges of my sultry and lonely afternoons.

- I didn't know I had these kind of posts. When and how did I write these? OMG.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Monorails and Mononucleosis

I finally got my newly calibrated lenses from my friend. I had to travel to Alabang because it's where her clinic is. I just managed to make friends with her while I was on my area assignments. I'm really happy about my new glasses cause it looks so hip and suits my face really well. I paid her for her work and asked for her call card just in case I would know someone who needs a pair of spiffy spectacles.

On my way back to Quezon City, everything was clearer and vivid. I can see faces clearly now. It's like everything is back in HD. I had to take a bus to Magallanes so that I could ride the MRT to Cubao. Bus rides in EDSA are lies from the devil. It would take me at least 1 hour to get to Cubao if I rode a bus from Alabang. I could sleep all the way, but the problem is, I have a long neck and it hurts when I rest my head on the seat. I am a giraffe by the way.

So there, I got to Magallanes really quick. Waited in queue to get my pass. Got into the train.

I always put my head down to avoid being seen. I stand out quite literally. But the problem is, when I bow my head, it gets harder to breathe. The air is humid and smells of humanity. So I extend my neck and close my eyes. The moment I do, I feel judging and scrutinizing eyes turn my way. 

Ah, there it is.

I can never seem to dodge "them" can't I?

SO, I put on my earphones and bob my head to Fall Out Boy's Save Rock and Roll. Spacing out in a very confined space. Then, next come the nudges, the pokes, the swipes. Hmm. Ok. Nothing scary yet.

I keep on pretending that I don't give a fuck and I'm insensitive. At the corner of my eye though, I see two guys making out at the back of the train. They're either ninjas or no one else gives a fuck as well. Ok. Then they caught me gawking at them. I'm like "I didn't see anything, please continue."

Suddenly, they both grinned at me. I died a thousand times inside. I'm in trouble.

I remained calm and quickly took a seat when some lady got off the train at Guadalupe station. Yay! Dangers averted.

I therefore conclude that the MRT is still a volatile niche. It's dangerous and exciting at the same time. I never get bored of the MRT. Except I hate it when I can't even breathe properly or getting my ass grabbed or getting elbowed in the gut. But I can't really complain because it is still one of the most efficient and cheap ways to travel from north to south and vice versa.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

He walks like summer, but feels like winter

Funny how my summer went this year. I've traveled almost 300kms within a week, the catch though, it's for work. I wake up at 4 am every day just to get to Batangas by 8 am and leave by 4 pm to get home by 7 pm.    I wanted to tear my hair out of frustration, but I didn't because I'm a grown ass man. I decided to suck it in till it ends since its just for a week anyways, and I'll get to go on wanderlust after I get my paycheck.

I promised myself a summer vacation on my own, but no, my boss loves me so much that she decided to send me to Laguna after my project in Batangas, then another week in Alabang. Summer just went poof right before my very eyes. Oh well. Such is life. There is no rest for the wicked. Speaking of which, I've just received a call right as I am writing this; telling me to go to work next week, luckily it will be in BGC.

So there, I just bought myself 5 sessions of microdermabrasion and stuff to remove the stresses of daily life off my face. I also got my lenses re-calibrated so that I won't get migraine attacks anymore, plus my glasses can shoot laser now so I can incinerate her (I wish). I bought shoes and got enough money to buy gym clothes, cause I might really need to work out all the unhealthy food that I ate since my life is always "on-the-go" these past few months. I also decided to write my ass off just to expunge all these pent up feelings. LOL

All in all, this summer is a bummer. I want to get tan lines and shit cause I'm too pale for my own good. Also, goodbye summer bod. It all went down the drain when I ate everything I could see just to cope with work. Maybe by December I can wanderlust myself till I can't be found anymore. If that can't be done, there's always next year... and the year after that... and most probably I won't be doing it anymore. YAY FOR MY EVER SO RELIABLE WILLPOWER.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Wit's End

Five, seven and five
It's gonna end somehow now
Five, seven and five

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Feelings - Up Dharma Down


Breaking through the night 
In this cold farenheit 
Shadows have left 
Crying got old 

Bland and bittersweet 
Wondering what went wrong 
There goes all hope 
There goes all hope 

But the feeling 
It tries to escape 
Bleeds through the light even when I close my eyes 
Its not seething 
The weight on this shoulder 
I can’t wait to chase the fiction home 
And carry on 

Favors in reverse 
Songs are unrehearsed 
When I get through this 
I hope I get through you 
Stains on my mind 
The cloud on that hour 
The minute you closed the door 
My eyes washed the floor 

Baby baby its hard to say 
But there seems to be no other way 
You left and you were right 
So I have to let us down this time 
Cause I can 

Cause I can’t feel it 
No other way but down 
No other way but down 
You said so yourself 
It’s just 
It’s just a feeling 
It’s just a feeling 

What are you crying for 
What are you crying for 
When its just a feeling 
God knows you can get through this 

I wanna know 
Do you feel anything 
As you go on your way 
Driving home 
As I sleep alone tonight 
I wanna know 
Do you feel anything 
For me 
Before I go 
Before I go, forever