Wit's End

Five, seven and five

It's gonna end somehow now

Five, seven and five

Feelings - Up Dharma Down

Breaking through the night 

In this cold farenheit 

Shadows have left 

Crying got old 

Bland and bittersweet 

Wondering what went wrong 

There goes all hope 

There goes all hope 

But the feeling 

It tries to escape 

Bleeds through the light even when I close my eyes 

Its not seething 

The weight on this shoulder 

I can’t wait to chase the fiction home 

And carry on 

Favors in reverse 

Songs are unrehearsed 

When I get through this 

I hope I get through you 

Stains on my mind 

The cloud on that hour 

The minute you closed the door 

My eyes washed the floor 

Baby baby its hard to say 

But there seems to be no other way 

You left and you were right 

So I have to let us down this time 

Cause I can 

Cause I can’t feel it 

No other way but down 

No other way but down 

You said so yourself 

It’s just 

It’s just a feeling 

It’s just a feeling 

What are you crying for 

What are you crying for 

When its just a feeling 

God knows you can get through this 

I wanna know 

Do you feel anything 

As you go on your way 

Driving home 

As I sleep alone tonight 

I wanna know 

Do you feel anything 

For me 

Before I go 

Before I go, forever

You: Pathogenic Molecule of Premature Ventricular Contractions

You are that singular stray molecule of acetylcholine that makes the saltatory movement across my nodes of Ranvier, leaping and jumping from axons to dendrites. And finally, upon reaching the calcium channels in my myocardial tissues, you make my heart twitch and quiver and skip a beat.

Homegirl's Back

So, homegirl and I decided to go out drinking after New Year. We talked about lots of stuff; like who's pregnant from our class, who's getting married and who has jobs. LOL. [Well, we all know what my current employment status is: it's complicated.] So there, I decided to ask her if she already has a boyfriend or something. She said she's still waiting for Mr. Right. She’s had a bit of a trouble with boys/men, so she doesn’t want to go there for now. But I felt like she needs someone, you know? Someone that looks after her and stuff like that. So I guffawed and felt like my eyes rolled 360 degrees, from left to right.

"Honey, if Mr. Right hasn't found you yet, maybe it's time that you find him. It's taking you too long and you look like you need Mr. Right. Well, not Mr. Right Now, but at least someone to be intimate with at least," I told her.

"Oh hell no, I got you and my family. I think that's enough 'action' for me. Emotional investments aren't my thing," she replied.

"Oh stop being an old maid, you pretty little thing you. C’mon, let's go and have a look-see while the night is young."

“Eeeh, we’re not prepared. I look normal. I don’t have my hooker clothes in the car.”

“You wench.”

I managed to nudge her to go out and go have some fun. We arrived at a bar looking all normal and stuff. We already saw a couple of cuties on our way in. Sat in the corner and talked in hush tones trying to look nonchalant, when this dashing young lad approached us. He asked for my homegirl’s name and then he said his. She asked for his age and when he told us, I felt like our faces turn white. He’s freaking 18 and he was looking for a “girl” tonight. Homegirl’s eyes and mine met for a sec and we immediately connected, like telepathy. He’s looking for sex. Oh dear God. So yes, he was pied off right away. I went to get more drinks and homegirl did what she has to do.

“These kids, what the heck are they doing here? We didn’t whore ourselves out when we we’re 18,” I whispered in her ear.

“Yeah, well, times change.”

“I suppose so.”

We continued sipping our drinks. We didn’t want to chug it down because we had to make our drinks last. To our dismay, we didn’t get a single drink from any of the cuties near the door. Homegirl has a talent to get sponsors when we wanted to grab free drinks in a bar. I could never pull it off in a hetero bar though.

“Looks like we’re getting rusty,” she said.

“Nah, we’re just not prepared. Besides, I think this is not our venue anymore. ‘This’ scene was so 3 years ago.”

“Yeah.”

We were about to finish and grab coffee instead when another guy approached us and tried to wince his way in our conversation. I glanced at homegirl and I saw that she was interested. I excused myself and gestured homegirl to just text me whatever happens. I went to a café and just as soon as I got on a chair my phone vibrated.

“I got one. Hehehe,” from homegirl’s number.

“Good, now, you gonna play or is he a keeper? *wink*” I replied

“I don’t know yet. I’m in no mood for playing. He’s smart though. I got his number.”

“Good for you! Hope he stays. He is kinda cute. LOL!”

“Yeah you think so? I think I should keep him interested. Mehehe. *grin*”

“You go Glenn Coco. Imma go home. I hope you had fun.”

“Yeah I did! Thank you. Let’s just hope cutiepie stays.”

I went home and went to bed. I felt happy to see my homegirl back. The cheerful, flirty and silly girl I’ve always been close friends with. I was waiting for her text before I sleep, but of course being a narcoleptic that I am, I dozed off. I woke up and got a text from her after lunch.

“Oh my god, he’s amazing. *wink*,” from homegirl’s number.

“You dirty little hoe. HAHAHAHA! So I’m guessing that you did it?”

“Well, yep, but that’s not the point. I like him… A lot.”

“Woah, do you think… he might be the one?”

“Maybe, but you know, ultimately, I’m the one who’s gonna make it happen anyways. If he’s not Mr. Right yet, then I’ll wait until he decides to become My Mr. Right. Lol.”

“Wow, feisty. That’s why we’re friends. Hahaha! Anyways, how was he? *grins*”

“Didn’t I tell you that he was ‘AMAZING’? C’mon man, a girl never kisses and tells. *grin*”

“Ah Touché! Hahaha.”

“Plus, I already told him about us. How we’re like a couple but not really. So… he wants you to meet his best buddy. I think you’ll like him. Hehehe. *wink*”

“Oh…?”

Then I got a picture message via Viber. I was skeptical at first, but then when the image loaded, my jaws dropped. He was like Andrew Wolfe and Papa Chen mixed together. I would post his picture but then, I'm afraid he might kill me if he knew.

"WTF? Is this really cutiepie's friend? Why is life so unfair?" I texted immediately.

"Yep. After you left, he dropped by. Cutiepie was asking me a lot of stuff about you. So there, I spilled a bit. Haha. Then he asked me if you wanted someone too. I said yes, because I knew you would say that too. *wink*"

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!” I replied.

“Cause I love you. Hehehe. Get dressed, we’re meeting him at 2. We’ll pick you up around quarter to 1. Dress to impress, honey, dress to impress.”

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Sprouts

So 2012 has gone by and I'm still quite on loose ground. I am looking for work. Specifically something that has creative freedom. I've already done bits and pieces of odd jobs in the past 2, almost 3 years. I think I know what I want now. I've gained experience and insight to what I can and cannot do. I just want a job that   makes me happy. Cause you know, there's a big difference between "working to live" and "living to work."

I know I've worked my butt off for my prestigious(?) license and stuff, but honestly I don't care about it anymore. I just use it as a government issued ID now. I mean yeah, I can still remember stuff I can do within my scope of practice. I can still save lives, but it lost its luster to me. I've already gone out of that self-hypnotism, I've moved on. Let's just say it'll just become a part of my "turmoil" phase.

Anyways, I've always wanted to set-up a hole-in-the-wall kind of cafe/pub. A place to hang-out for those creative junkies. Kinda like, CubaoX meets an upscale, snooty coffee shop. Artisanal coffee and pastries in the morning, then booze and indie music at night. The place will be covered in all kinds of books, which the customers can read during their stay in the premises. Nothing too mainstream really. I also don't believe in those insane amounts of money they charge people for a cup of coffee. I think I've never been a place like that in the metro, that's why I wanna set it up. And go away idea-stealers.

Right now, I need work so I can earn and save money for this so-called business plan I'm about to head into. I've got tons of work to draw out before I can pull this one off. I'm no business management graduate but I know its going to be fruitless if I dove in with eyes closed. So yes, I need work: for my MA and the capital for this goal. It's not a dream, yet... I'm just changing my current to this one, piece by piece.

I've got my work cut out for me again, that is if I can keep my shit together. Keep calm and carry on.

Graceful Exits

You know, I've always wanted to backpack out of randomness. No particular place in mind, just let my feet carry me somewhere far away. But I've always told myself, once I leave for somewhere very very far and I’m all alone, I might never find my way back, or rather I might never wanna come back. In the end, I just sit here and wait for someone to take me away, so I know I can always come back. I guess I’m just being my silly and fickle self again.

I think I am in friend-love with you

“I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You” written by and illustrated by Yumi Sakugawa, published in Sadie Magazine, 2012.