Thursday, February 10, 2011

of Lights and Cockroaches

They always say that when 2 people are destined to meet, sparks will fly off instantly. Well, in my case it was only me who felt sparks, the other felt blurred and discombobulated. Would it be correct to assume that either one of us was the fool who saw something that wasn't meant to be?I tried my best to clear out my thoughts. Maybe I wasn't seeing sparks, I was seeing an illusion of what i wanted it to be. It might not be even sparks at all, cockroaches perhaps? But that couldn't be, for I know that I'm too rational to even come up with such grandiose delusions of chemistry and compatibility. I tried to investigate further on those tiny little glowing orbs; are they real or are they just fantasy?

Grave of the Fireflies

I picked up a twinkling little orb. Felt it, looked at it, smelled it, tasted it, listened for sounds that came out of it, but it was just... there, glowing and pulsating. It felt warm and nice, but it felt like a glass marble, hard and solid. It was as light as a feather and it just drifts along to movement of objects around it, but I couldn't blow it away. It tastes like candy, but it doesn't melt. From afar, they look like fireflies, but when you look at them closely, they're formless. They hum like bees, but when you shake them, they ring like christmas bells. What the hell are these things?

Certainly they weren't cockroaches or any known object to man. I thought it might be a form of extraterrestrial life, but then they came out from "that" person's chest. Ghosts maybe? Not really, cause I know for a fact that ghosts come from dead people but "that" person is alive and kicking. 

It was still a mystery, that was my conclusion... 

But, are these the sparks that people are talking about? It's so beautiful and enchanting, but it's of no use. It was real; I saw them and I questioned they're existence, they just gave me vague ideas and answers. Still it was a concept and it was better than nothing. I finally understood that those things are unexplainable, yet they persist.

But then they're of no use cause "that" person couldn't even notice or see them. Beautiful as these sparks are, it was only me who marveled at their presence. "That" only saw murky colors swatched around me. Rather ambiguous if you ask me, but these sparks are too. Could I try to describe what it looks, feels, tastes, smells, sounds like to "that" ? I wasn't able to, but I know they were there. "That" never believed me, "that" claimed "that" can only visualize a murky, disturbed image of a kid looking at "that" with eager eyes. 

Then I concluded, we weren't crazy at all... It was all too real for us, it's just that we don't see the same thing; but we definitely both know there's something there... Something magical? Something awful? Something necessary? Something we can live without? I am not so sure anymore... It was way beyond reason and philosophy, even science and logic. I could only learn so much, yet there's not a thing I could explain about that event.

In the end "that" gave up and moved along the path which "that" was on. I'm still stuck at the square when "that" happened. Was I wrong to not let "that" see what i was looking at?? I tried to, but "that" never looked back. I looked around me, and I saw sparks coming off of me too. It was pouring out like water from a gardening hose. After a while, it enveloped me and I was ecstatic! I tried to reach out to "that" person, but "that" was nowhere to be found anymore. "That" was lost in those murky, unappealing blurred colors. The sparks were losing luminescence and started dropping like flies, but they were crashing like incandescent light bulbs onto the cement pavement. Slowly but surely, the sparklies were depleted, all except for a few that fell unto my toes. They lost that WOW! effect, and starting to turn into those mishmosh of lines and colors. I tried to save a few, but they eventually lost the bright light that they were emitting. I looked at it closely and it resembled a cockroach now. I threw it away in disgust and started walking along the gray cement pavement.

I got fooled by "that" person. I saw something I wanted to see and then realized that it wasn't magical at all, in fact it was digusting and gross. I wanted to make "that" believe that there were sparks, but instead all those things were cockroaches. I lost time in "that" event, but heck it was really something. Have I been that stupid to get lured by cockroaches? No, i just wanted to believe that maybe cockroaches were good for something other than bother people with their daily lives. I tried to delude myself with ideals that maybe they can represent something wonderful and delightful. In the end I killed the cockroaches by stepping on them one by one. I heard a crash...Then I woke up and realized I was late for work.

(lifted from my Tumblog)

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