whenever i’m with you, i feel defenseless. whenever you look at me, i feel like a big sack of amorphous unset clear gelatin. it’s as if i got nothing to hide and nowhere to run. no pretensions, no lies. i hate the fact that i can’t mask myself when i’m with you. i just feel all wobbly and light-headed. i hate it so much, but i appreciate it. when i’m with you, i can just be myself. you don’t judge me for what i do and what i like. heck, you even like things that i like. it scares me that someone really knows me as me. it also scares me that someday you will be just gone, will forever be just a fragment of a memory.
i hate the thought of losing you. i hate the thought that i may never be able to find someone like you. i hate it that i can’t do anything about it. i hate it so much that it hurts. i hate everything but you.