Leaps and Bounds

Because:

• I'm the guy who speaks in italics.
• I'm the guy who's blatantly honest.
• I'm the guy who thinks of Summer all the time.
• I'm the guy who can change in a split second.
• I'm the kind of guy who can make decisions and not regret them.
• I'm the guy that loves and loves in an unfathomable manner, in leaps and bounds, in cosmic proportions.

And because:

• I feel safe when I'm with you.
• I feel like a kid, you treat me like one and I like... well love it.
• I find it awkwardly bittersweet when we meet in person. (We meet, we do things, we part. I hate it when we part.)
• I totally freak you out with my weird and unusual cravings(?)
• I titillate you with a few words, gestures and then poof, you become Coco Crunch in my palms. HA!
• I feel like I'm your Interstitial, your "in between," your Missing Piece.

happy 1 month mother fucker.

Hype

I found myself on top of a long stretch of shiny black vinyl coated floor. I hear the music pumping in my ears, muffling the sounds of my heart and lungs expanding and collapsing. There are faces that I can’t make out in the distance, but I know they are watching. A small guy waves his hand to me, signaling that I have to make haste and it’s my turn. I took a long breath, held it, climbed up the stairs and blocked every stimulus that distracts me.

I walked with passion. Long powerful strides, chin held up high, tummy tucked in and butt stuck out. I can feel the floor shaking under my weight. There are flashes erupting from every direction. There are blurred entities from afar, they seem to be watching and judging. I can see their vague expressionless faces fold and crumple to every move I make.

My heart is pumping blood infused with adrenaline. I thought to myself, “DON’T FUCKING TRIP ON THE RUNWAY!” This is the moment I’ve worked hard for. Months of diet and yoga have done wonders to my lean frame. This is my chance to show off, now I’m just basking in all my glory. My face was burning and I was sweating profusely.

The vest I wore almost slipped on my shoulders; luckily I got to the end of the runway with my clothes intact. I turned and posed, cameras were clicking and flashing. I had to keep my face from smiling, my natural instinct in front of the lens. I just had to “smile with my eyes” without my lips or my cheeks moving. Just for a few seconds, I had to make my way back.

Long powerful strides without looking too cocky, that’s what the designers wanted.

I reached the backstage, it was utter chaos. I smell hairspray, make-up and burning cigarettes.  Three guys rushed to me; one was removing the torn off-shoulder shirt with the plaid vest, the other was removing the high-cut dunks, and the last one was unzipping the ripped denim shorts. I only had my nice undies after that. Then a girl handed me a long-sleeved tie-dyed shirt, apparently I had to do it 2 more times. There was this tall guy who grabbed my chin and started brushing my face and crunching my hair. A retouch. I zipped up the salmon colored roll-up pants and wore the tan topsiders. Time was running short and the little guy was screaming and waving his hands to me.

The music changed, but it’s still that electropop beat, the kind that puts people in a weird trance. The lights also changed hues. It was time to strut and sell the clothes again.

The hype was addicting. It was a mixture of anxiety, nausea, hunger, fatigue and fulfillment. It was worth it. I was giggling with my girlfriend/co-model backstage. My skin was itchy and I felt like I needed a bath but I can’t just yet. We still had to do post runway shoots, which is weird because we were asked to never publish them on our facebook accounts.

My first show was a success. The designers were happy. Models were busy shaking hands and getting each other’s numbers. Photographers just come in and out and take snaps of everyone. I was living my dream. All the pain and shame of being rejected time and time again was worth it. I don’t care if this is going to be my last, but I finally felt like a real model for the first time in my life. Even if it’s just for a local label.

After the show, everyone was invited to go and mingle in the nearby club. Hopefully to book more jobs and projects for the free lance models and even find an agency that will take care of them. Booze, food and sex; it’s everyone’s Cheat Day. But everyone knows not to be too out there. A couple of pounds gained would end someone’s career.

I wonder if I ever get to do those again, I seem to be getting the hang of it. I always go to casting calls and go-sees but I seldom book jobs for myself. It was blood, sweat and tears just to find an employer. The pay is bad also, but I want to keep on doing this. I got hooked.

Doors are slowly opening for me. I just need to choose one, yet again. 

Shell

I found this short from a friend.

Wouldn't it be nice to modify your dreams and memories to your own liking?

"and then maybe, fiction becomes reality..."

25 Lives

saw this from a blog at live journal. 25 Lives by Tongari.

Afterglow

And we decided to meet up at our usual coffee shop. He gave me a decadent cupcake, a moist chocolate cupcake with dark chocolate frosting with a rosette of  chocolate fondant. Orgasmic!!! He knows how to make me swoon over food, whether be it a full meal or just desserts. Pun intended.


I ordered an iced mocha which I shared with him. It sounds really corny and shit, but then its those little things that matter. Of course we got "high" after that super sweet treat. I asked him to play DoTA with me afterwards. Yes, I know.. I'm a geek. I chose Crystal Maiden at first, he chose Bone Fletcher. We won of course... But next round, we were dismal, I fail with with Netherdrake. I died a lot, in turn we lost... So I thought, we had to make a comeback and redeem ourselves. It was serious business the 3rd round. I chose my best hero, Enchantress, and did my unique item build with her. I, apparently was the top hero killer that round. LOL, yes this post is getting too geeky.


Anyways, after 3 rounds of straight on geeking out and cursing those damned AI's we decided to spend the night together. Details are not to be expounded because I still believe in the saying that: "What happens in the Boudoir, should stay in the Boudoir."

All I can say is that, I seem to have found my Le Chevalier de Mirval. I learned things that I can do. Yes... I am Eugenie. LOL.


I am currently basking in our afterglow. This post seems senseless but who cares.

Day Three: "a Care Diva in the making."

He found himself in a glass house, fragile to the very core. There's a lingering scent of lavender and patchouli, yet that unmistakable smell of bleach and disinfectants rise from the wooden floor.

Clean, crisp white bed sheets adorn a mechanical bed. A rigid thin man in his early 60's lie atop.

"Good morning!" I greeted.

"..."

As expected there wasn’t a response from him, neither verbal nor non-verbal.

He went on to do his duty; to keep the rigid thin man alive and taken care of during his 12-hour stay.

demitasse

*****

he left without saying goodbye as his eyes were filled with tears. never looking back, chin held up high and holding the words in. his heart was swelling and fibrillating, he just didn’t want him to see it.

“there’s not much that we can do then… at least we can still be friends this way.” a voice from the distance shouted.

“i hope so too. may we not cross paths in the future…” he gingerly whispered.

all he heard were his footsteps. they were loud, overpowering the sound of a breaking heart.

he walked away, as always.

*****

he was waiting in a corner of a coffee shop, enjoying his demitasse. he was humming with the Bossa Nova  playing at the back of his mind while casually tapping his feet.

Sunny Spot

Sitting in a sunny spot
I shake and shiver
Just now it made me think
back to a certain sunset

The red glow of the sunset,
it dyed your back,
as you went away from me.

Sitting in a sunny spot
I shake and shiver
Just now it made me think
back to a certain sunset

Before you said goodbye,
you touched me softly.
Because once upon a time,
we saw a sparkle with each other.

As the withered leaves
fall down on my feet I realize that
our time won’t return, so I live and smile.

Before you said goodbye,
you touched me softly.
Because once upon a time,
we saw a sparkle with each other.

Sitting in a sunny spot
I shake and shiver
Just now it made me think
back to a certain sunset

while he sleeps...

While he sleeps,
I am awake.
Checking on him every hour,
observing and anticipating his needs.

While he sleeps,
I get frantic at his:
every cough, every gag,
every shiver, every spasm.

While he sleeps,
I prepare, cook and process his food
I check, clean and dry his perineum
I turn and massage him on a bi-hourly basis

While he sleeps,
I bathe and shampoo his hair,
careful enough to not wet his bed,
careful enough not to startle him.

While he sleeps,
I toil through the night,
I monitor his Vital Signs
I sigh of relief

While he sleeps,
I couldn't even get a wink
I seldom eat
I sweat and ache.

While he sleeps,
I gently walk away
Bidding goodbye
Hoping for his recovery.

*picture of Makoy, the patient's dog. i just wanted to upload his cuteness on my blog.

Of Gastric Gavages and Dirty Adult Diapers

Ang drama ko sa bayang to’y isang mabuting nanay ng isang alagang mas matanda pa sa tatay ko… Mabuti nalang kami’y magkasundo, sinusubuan ng hapunan, kapag dumumi pinupunasan… Nako nako nako… ano bang nangyari dito… -Chelsea

i just realized, im cleaning up diapers of people i don’t even have blood relations to.

it feels weird when i got asked: “pano yan, taga-punas ka na ng pwet ng matanda pero sarili mong kapamilya hindi mo man lang maalagaan?”

those words hurt.

do they even fucking know how much how hard it is for me to even take this job?

i am getting judged for being what i am. i don’t even know why is it always me. all i know for now is that im tired, stressed and i’m happy being employed to a very nice family.

parang naalala ko bigla ‘yung scene sa Care Divas.

I'm not just working because of the money. I get attached to my patient and the patient's relatives. Their problems become my problems too because they've got no one else to turn to. It is my passion and drive to care for people, even if its physically and emotionally draining, cause that's just me.

"nako, nako, nako! ano bang nangyari dito?!"

Heartbeat

Children’s laughter echoes,
everywhere across the skies.
Laying beside you, I can see the
crooked lines of the buildings around us.

As sunlight pours through the cracks in the clouds,

we take cover before it blinds us.

I close my eyes to hide away from the commotion,
and as I place my hand on your chest,
I can feel your heart beating.
Let me be by your side.

Alas, the two of us
will eventually leave this world behind.
But our feelings will keep us together like this.

In order to fill my heart,
I will need to hear that sound over and over again.

So I entrust the throbbing sound to my body,
as you softly wrap around me.

The rain won’t stop,
making me long for your smile.
When I turn off the lights,
the city lights shine like little stars falling from the sky.

As the whirl of lights intertwine,
I can see the future in a dream.

I need you to take my hand,
so I can transfer my wishes to you.
Let me be by your side.

Alas, we have to get through
many lonely nights in this world.
But our feelings will keep us together like this.

I touched deep within
your heart to confirm your love.

I can feel your skin tremble with your heart beat,
as I softly wrap myself around you.

One day I’ll see the end of this dream,
even if there’s no sunlight to wake me up.
Then when the sad rain pours down,
our two shadows meld into one,
because I’m by your side

I run out of breath,
when our hearts melt together.
Two hearts beating to the same rhythm,
as we softly wrap around each other.

mishaps and misfits

i believe that all of us are misfits. everyone searching for a niche, searching for company, searching for people who resembles us in some way. to me, i found my niche on my blogs, whether on blogspot or tumblr. i found people who turned out to be more than just non-de-plumes online, i treat them now as friends.

there has been quite a misunderstanding these past few days. words were thrown around like stones, bouncing and rebounding and hitting people on their tummies and heads. they hurt and people got bruised. they hit vulnerable spots and it wasn't pretty at all.

i'm not gonna post all the details anymore, there are also things that i want to keep to myself and to the parties involved.

why am i writing this though? because i want to set things straight. i know that things might not just go back to where it was before, i'm not trying to make things reset themselves.

i want to apologize for whatever mishap that happened. whatever that was and whatever it is, i'd be the one to personally say sorry. even if i know i'm not all to blame for, it's just me being the scapegoat for everyone. i'd rather take all the beating than let you guys get hurt, that's just how i roll.

i want the hostility to end, i want this silly conflict to end. i know all of us are very mature individuals, we know how to handle things and we all know were better than this. right?

anyways, if you're reading this, you know who you are. if you wanna talk about, i'm all ears, you pretty much know that.

on a lighter note, i'm going for an interview and training on sunday. YAY ME! Private Duty Nursing, here i come! :)

The Boy Who Had The Red Umbrella

There was a boy, about 6 years old, walking down the flooded street. He was wearing a yellow raincoat and black rubber boots. In his right hand, he was holding a big red umbrella. He was merrily waddling down the street, without worrying about getting neither wet nor sick.

There was a man, in his early 20’s, walking the opposite direction of the little kid. He was wearing a brown trench coat, leather shoes, pinstripe pants and a black tie over a white dress shirt. He was holding a black umbrella in his right hand and a suitcase in his left. He noticed the kid walking towards him. He was inexplicably drawn to the kid.

The boy was about to cross the road and he stopped dead in the middle. The man was shocked and he immediately ran towards the boy. He grabbed the kid and dropped the umbrella. A few seconds after, a car rushed by and hit the man’s umbrella and it was mangled to pieces.

“Hey boy, are you crazy?! Why did you stop in the middle of the road? Don’t you know that’s dangerous?” the man blurted out.

“Uhm, because I was looking at that…” the boy pointed to a dead cat in the gutters.

“Well, its dead now and you’ll be like that if you are not careful… That car could have hit you and killed you.”

“Oh! Well thank you, I shall be on my way now. You can let go of me now.” The boy said with a smile.

“Wait, where are you going in this weather anyways? It’s not safe for kids to be outdoors, especially when they are unaccompanied.”

“I’m about to go home. I just went out because I wanted to…”

“Do your parents know about you going out?” the man asked frantically

“Uh yeah they do…” the boy’s eyes were rolling side to side

“Ok, I’ll take you home. Just lead the way. I think I might need to talk to your parents.” the man sighed

“Aw man?! Really? Tch..”

The man held the big red umbrella and grasped the boy by his shoulders. They started walking. A few blocks after, the boy sped up and started to run. He was heading to the playground.

“I thought you were going home? Why are we stopping here?” the man was puzzled

“Because I don’t get to play much and I don’t like playing with a lot of kids.” the boy was up the steel slide already.

“Well, you can do that sometime, when it’s not raining and when I’ve already talked to your mom and dad.”

“Well, I didn’t ask you to come with me. You can just leave my umbrella…” pointing to the bench

The man was shocked at the boy’s response. If it wasn’t for the boy’s fault he wouldn’t have lost his umbrella. He decided to stick with the kid until he gets home safe and sound. He has to, he’s gonna drench in the rain if he’s gonna leave the boy alone. He also can’t take the red umbrella, because he knows he will feel sorry for taking the boy’s umbrella.

“…fine. After that, we’re heading home, yes?”

“Okay!” the boy said sheepishly

The boy was playing on the monkey bars and the guy was wondering where the boy lives. He can’t help but worry about this. There was something mysterious about how the boy responds to him. It’s as if the boy was him.

*i can't remember the continuation of this dream anymore.

magpie tales