i've visited my shrink friend these past few days. i was diagnosed with cyclothymia, its a milder form of bipolar disorder. it doesn't really interfere with my activities of daily living but it does make me suffer a bit. my friends told me that i frequently have bitchfits and PMS's these past few months. and voila, its cyclothymia bitch.
anyways, i haven't written anything substantial yet. its quite difficult juggling my work, my life and my issues altogether. and also the fact that i have no decent internet access right now adds a whole new level to my "dysthymic" phase. i was prescribed with some SSRI's and a little Lithium to stabilize whatever havoc my neurotransmitters are causing me. i need to put my feelings and emotions in a state of suspended animation.
kudos to me. i'm fucked up bigtime. no wonder i've been so emo and bitchy these past few months. i've been slipping in and out of those phases and there was nothing i could do. Yoga and all the calming techniques that i know of, they were just there to soothe the attacks. even though they weren't major in nature, its still putting a stress on my relationships with my friends and loved ones. i even caught myself shouting at my poor helpless patient one night. i almost cried.
so what am i doing now?
i'm prolly gonna go and try to find some time to write on my blog. my therapist said it helps a lot since i don't talk alot. it's one way of my catharsis and it has always been. its my non-judging, non-reactive friend and my followers are like my minions that just says yes and nods. (pardon me, followers lol)