Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Permafrost: The Deep One

i've visited my shrink friend these past few days. i was diagnosed with cyclothymia, its a milder form of bipolar disorder. it doesn't really interfere with my activities of daily living but it does make me suffer a bit. my friends told me that i frequently have bitchfits and PMS's these past few months. and voila, its cyclothymia bitch.

anyways, i haven't written anything substantial yet. its quite difficult juggling my work, my life and my issues altogether. and also the fact that i have no decent internet access right now adds a whole new level to my "dysthymic" phase. i was prescribed with some SSRI's and a little Lithium to stabilize whatever havoc my neurotransmitters are causing me. i need to put my feelings and emotions in a state of suspended animation.

kudos to me. i'm fucked up bigtime. no wonder i've been so emo and bitchy these past few months. i've been slipping in and out of those phases and there was nothing i could do. Yoga and all the calming techniques that i know of, they were just there to soothe the attacks. even though they weren't major in nature, its still putting a stress on my relationships with my friends and loved ones. i even caught myself shouting at my poor helpless patient one night. i almost cried.

so what am i doing now?

i'm prolly gonna go and try to find some time to write on my blog. my therapist said it helps a lot since i don't talk alot. it's one way of my catharsis and it has always been. its my non-judging, non-reactive friend and my followers are like my minions that just says yes and nods. (pardon me, followers lol)


  1. im pretty sure everybody goes through bitchy, PMS moments every now and then.

  2. Yes, writing is very therapeutic. I admire your courage of posting about this topic. Not all would openly share these types of stories. :)

  3. @herbs: yeah. but it did get more frequent since the start of the year. i thought it was normal, but then i checked with my shrink and its more serious than just PMS.

    @Raymond: yes thank you. its quite embarrassing to be diagnosed with a mood disorder and its not even bipolar. lol.

  4. You? Not talkative? You were misdiagnosed, Nikki. :))

  5. Don't be. Its just like an illness, as common as diabetes. I happen to be a nursing student and have I've been rotated in the psychiatric wards and nagkakaproblema lang naman pag hindi nagseek ng professional consult. Kaya natuwa ako na nakapagseek ka ng doctor's advice.

  6. @grey: oh really. haha. well at some point. i might just be. you never know when i'm in the "real" world. :P

    @raymond: im also a nurse lol. i didn't know that it was cyclothymia na pala. kala ko mood swings lang. it's not as severe as bipolar so its manageable kaya akala ko normal pa.