chameleon

Before the year started, I had checked out how 2011 should roll for me. I was born in 1988, so that makes me a Water Dragon according to the Chinese zodiac signs. I vividly remember that it said that it isn’t gonna be a spectacular year for me.

“There’s no significant achievement for you this year.” That was gonna be my ‘theme’ for the whole of 2011 according to the soothsayer.

I didn’t believe it at first; I tried to make things happen even if I know that my fortune isn’t that great. December of last year, my uncle told me that he was going to help me take my NCLEX exam so that I can work in Chicago. I enrolled in a review session and I am super duper ready to take the test. But, everything had to stop since I haven’t applied for my test yet. I tried to ask around what’s the whole process for the application and authorization to take the test.

Apparently, I need about 1,300 US dollars to be able to take my exam. I told my uncle about it and then he told me that he wasn’t gonna be able to pay for the whole thing yet. It takes about 2-4 months to get my ATT (Authorization To Test). Not only those, but the other documents needed for my application have been misplaced. They’re now part of the dust collecting inside our house. Lovely.

I left my work just to prepare for a test, which turns out that I’m not gonna be able to take yet. In short, I wasted time and effort and money for my review classes. I guess that’s my karma for being so eager to defy my fortunes for this year and for being so resolute about leaving this goddamned country. Yikes.

When people promise me things, I tend to get swayed hook, line and sinker. I got so excited about the idea of finally being independent that I forgot about how difficult it is to apply for my “One-way ticket” to the states. In the end, I got disappointed and when I get disappointed, I have this tendency to just forget about it and walk away. I have no time to waste being disappointed and being let-down by people. I might as well go and find work on my own, again.

I don’t blame them; I just wished they didn’t give out promises like candy and then not comitting to those. I’m still a kid; candy is still going to be my demise. It is entirely my fault.

I also tried being a freelance model, didn’t turn out so well either. Ended up as the back-up "wardrobe specialist," which kinda sounds like an alalay if you ask me. (KARMA, KARMA, KARMA.)

My blonde and blue-eyed dreams are still pretty much stuck right here in my brain. Good, yes? They aren’t gonna happen soon, but that doesn’t mean I already forgot about them. I’m still waiting for my turn, just waiting for my turn.

As I am again waiting, I’m now gonna look for a new job. Hopefully, I get a job substantial enough to pay for my application fees (and other miscellaneous shit). I don’t need further let-downs this year; I’ve had to deal with a bunch of them already. I’m getting tired of being excited and then poof, I get shot down even before I can even start. MY GOD, YOU CAN’T EVEN GIVE ME A FAIR FIGHT, HOW CRUEL!

Anyways, in other news, my life isn’t that bad. I have my blog with me. And, I really think that they chose the wrong person for that last ad campaign I went to. TSK.

#blogging the pain away.