gladiators going to a battle unprepared is paramount to suicide. fear is inevitable but the situation will dictate you to man up and own the battlefield. whether you decide to survive and die is your choice, it's killed or be killed. the world is cruel, there's no way anyone can change that. as much as you try to be kind, you'll always end up choosing: to hurt someone or to get hurt by someone. it is a natural reaction to be selfish, but its not enough to be a reason to inflict pain to others. apologies will never suffice.
cuts and bruises, sometimes the eventual stab wounds and fractures are expected. it will be bloody and dirty, not to mention excruciating. but in all that i've learned: never regret. this has been my war cry for these past few days.
and when the fight is over, you get time to lick your wounds. you learn something new, gain appreciation for what you have and what you don't. you learn to accept things that you can and cannot do. it will give you insight of what you have become. it will be either be scary or breathtaking, depending on how you will see it.
i'm still learning, things got rough. i licked my wounds and i realized i've become a monster. i've got no one to blame, but i know i'm fine being a monster; i've always had an idea that there's a demon hiding inside this angel.
but this monster still do know when to stop and say sorry.