Sunday, October 28, 2012

Lonely Lamp Posts

Waiting in a car, 
Waiting for a ride in the dark.
The night city grows.
Look and see her eyes, they glow.

And there he was, with lips glistening. A smell of angst and sex lingers. He's absolutely stunning. I took another shot of Stolichnaya. I didn't catch his name, it doesn't really matter. What I was feeling wasn't really attraction or anything to that extent. I was actually repulsed. Why was I drinking alone?

Waiting for a roar,
Looking at the mutating skyline.
The City is my church,
It wraps me in the sparkling twilight.

He kept on pushing himself onto me while I was sitting on the stool. I didn't budge a bit. Grabbed my bag instead and headed out of the bar. To my surprise he followed me. I leaned on the lone lamp post a few blocks away and felt myself slump to the floor. The world was spinning, I've drank too much again. I looked up, the pretty lights were swirling in deep indigo.

"Come on Nik, you've had too much. Fun is good, but this is ridiculous," says the stranger.
"No! Lemme stay for here a bit. I can't go with you. I've to get home and sleep. My mom would kill me."
"Alright, let me get a cab then. I'll drop you off."

Waiting in the car,
Waiting for a ride in the dark.
Drinking in the lounge,
Following the neon signs.

Picked up my bag and unceremoniously threw up in the gutters. I've swung my head just to check if anyone is nearby doing the same thing. None. Just me and the stranger. Managed to move my shoes away from the putrid projectile.

I saw the stranger move closer. He got a cab. I tried my best to stand up straight, but I buckled and swayed. He grabbed my left arm and hauled me inside to the back of the cab. I smelled like shit. Good thing I still had my bottled water, mints and some alcohol.

This is screwed up. I might die of shame. And I was surprised he knew where I lived. I felt his arm hover over my head. The quintessential boyfriend-in-the-cinema move. Shit. I was in nowhere near normalcy to defend myself from whatever. I groaned. He laughed. I fell asleep.

He nudged me. I was stirred up from my drunken stupor. I realized we were in my neighborhood. I scurried out of the cab and I heard muffled noises. I didn't bother looking back. I found another lamp post. I emptied my guts out in full force now.

I managed to slide into the house without waking anyone. I took off every bit of clothing, showered and brushed my teeth. Drank 2 tablets of Advil and water. Put on my pajamas and slept. When I woke up, I heard my phone beep before it died. Plugged it in and the messages all came in at once.

"You idiot, you just don't know when to stop don't you," from an unknown number.
"Oh was it you? God, I didn't even ask for your name. I'm sorry."
"It's alright Nik. You really don't recognize me? We went to the same school back in 2003."
"Huh? Not really. I can't remember people in my school unless you were significant."
"Hahaha. I was the transferee. That should ring a bell. :D"

I didn't reply afterwards.

Holy fuck. My awkward history with high school: it all struck me like I'm sort of a lightning rod. He was really cute back then. In college, I found out he had an account with Downelink. My other gay classmates were pairing me and him. But I never really did talk to guy. He was a part of the cool and macho kids. I was a part of the nerds. So there's no common ground for anything. In fact, I just wished the the ground opened up and swallowed me and my bruised ego.

I cringed. I really liked that guy. He was handsome. He wasn't as smart as me though. But he's changed. He's hot now. Ugh... I blushed at the thought. Then I slapped myself high.

I still get his texts and I casually reply hi and hello. But that's about it.

It's so sad that the lamp posts had seen my humiliating night. It's like they're bowing its head, feeling sorry for me. I bet it's not only me that they saw. If only they could talk.


  1. While lovely, I can't help but feel this post's a little bitin (?) Like they're establishing shots to an awesome movie. So what happened to Mr. Thackeray after?

  2. Mr. Thackeray went on as usual. That lovely lad still lingers though. I'm surprised he recognized me. I totally reinvented myself after high school and college.