As my eyes swell up and my nose fills with snot, I kept
thinking about what me and my friend talked about in the coffee shop earlier.
About what he was doing wrong in his life, which no one seems to care about his
dwindling love life. He was blaming himself.
----
Does it always have to be something that's internally wrong,
that's why we can't attract someone who we want?
I find it unfair to always find blame upon myself. I am just
doing me and what I feel like doing. And I won't change anything for someone
who I love. Well, that's what I used to think.
When you change for that someone, you lose a part of
yourself and you may never ever find it again. You only change when you learn
something; you will only want to change for the bond itself. And when that relationship
ends, you'll lose whatever you put into it. Including your old self. What's
worse, when both of you do and you look into the eyes of that person and find
that he/she isn't there anymore. You can't recognize both of yourselves.
Change is constant, the hard part is, how to change for the
better. It should be simultaneous and not just one-way in order for the
relationship to grow. It's always that same give and take protocol that makes
things work.
But in the end, when a relationship ends, two persons always
get hurt. Only, one will hurt more than the other.
And now, I can feel my eyes start to hurt with this nonsense
that I wrote. I can't even understand what I wrote because I'm half medicated.
Do I even make a point?
Love is always this complicated for me. I hate cigarette
smoke, it made me think this way again; always when I get an allergic attack.
Snot.
