Sprouts

So 2012 has gone by and I'm still quite on loose ground. I am looking for work. Specifically something that has creative freedom. I've already done bits and pieces of odd jobs in the past 2, almost 3 years. I think I know what I want now. I've gained experience and insight to what I can and cannot do. I just want a job that   makes me happy. Cause you know, there's a big difference between "working to live" and "living to work."

I know I've worked my butt off for my prestigious(?) license and stuff, but honestly I don't care about it anymore. I just use it as a government issued ID now. I mean yeah, I can still remember stuff I can do within my scope of practice. I can still save lives, but it lost its luster to me. I've already gone out of that self-hypnotism, I've moved on. Let's just say it'll just become a part of my "turmoil" phase.

Anyways, I've always wanted to set-up a hole-in-the-wall kind of cafe/pub. A place to hang-out for those creative junkies. Kinda like, CubaoX meets an upscale, snooty coffee shop. Artisanal coffee and pastries in the morning, then booze and indie music at night. The place will be covered in all kinds of books, which the customers can read during their stay in the premises. Nothing too mainstream really. I also don't believe in those insane amounts of money they charge people for a cup of coffee. I think I've never been a place like that in the metro, that's why I wanna set it up. And go away idea-stealers.

Right now, I need work so I can earn and save money for this so-called business plan I'm about to head into. I've got tons of work to draw out before I can pull this one off. I'm no business management graduate but I know its going to be fruitless if I dove in with eyes closed. So yes, I need work: for my MA and the capital for this goal. It's not a dream, yet... I'm just changing my current to this one, piece by piece.

I've got my work cut out for me again, that is if I can keep my shit together. Keep calm and carry on.

Graceful Exits

You know, I've always wanted to backpack out of randomness. No particular place in mind, just let my feet carry me somewhere far away. But I've always told myself, once I leave for somewhere very very far and I’m all alone, I might never find my way back, or rather I might never wanna come back. In the end, I just sit here and wait for someone to take me away, so I know I can always come back. I guess I’m just being my silly and fickle self again.

I think I am in friend-love with you

“I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You” written by and illustrated by Yumi Sakugawa, published in Sadie Magazine, 2012.

Paroxysms

I have to admit, I do keep my dating accounts still active. Sort of an ego boost. Just to check how I still rate with dating sites and shit. Once in a while, I do get invites, I just turn them down. I feel more powerful and attractive that way. It’s like my way of flipping my middle finger to those who rejected me in the past. Petty.

Every now and then there’s a gem of an idiot who’ll bump on my profile and harass me. They’ll prolly ask for sex and one night stands, that’s how it usually goes in dating sites anyways. More like a hook-up site rather than a friendly dating site and in this era, who would go out in friendly dates anyways? Nuninuninuni.

Not to brag, but ugh, it gets annoying at some point. It's like opening a can of worms again. They just can't stop. Uh uh no they won't.

I have to say though, these paroxysms are just like hiccups. I don’t take them seriously. I just chat with them and interact with them. If they are decent enough, then we become friends and buddies. I don’t really viciously tear them up for no reason, I do it those who deserve that. Just to give them a taste of their own bitter medicine.

And making sure you distance yourself is how to do it perfectly without backlashes. Then do a quick hair flip to make sure you feel alpha.

Little Fuzzy

I love cats. I like how bitchy they are in real life. You know when at day time, they won't even let you hold them but at night, they would really love to sleep on your face. That kind of stuff. I apparently like them for that.

They curl up in a ball when they wanna be all clingy and shit. But they look like roadkill when they sleep; sprawled and spread-eagled, which makes me wanna smother them or trample them. I don't know, I just feel like Agnes "It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!" sort of feeling whenever I see cats.

But anyways, my girl cat got knocked up again. Giselle is preggers and I know my mom would kick her litter out again if she gives birth inside the house. My mom and the cats have that I'll-give-you-food-and-you-stay out-of-the-house kind of relationship. She is more of a dog person. I don't agree but I can't argue with her anyways. Funny thing though is, she would also baby talk the kittens as well before throwing them out. Gotta love my mom.

And since Christmas is near, I want a new cat. :3

I'll prolly adopt another one soon.

Sicko

You see, there are things that I wanna talk about. I have been seriously contemplating about this issue.

Gay porn. How diverse is it? Well, for me, I only have two main categories. I seem to have found a formula for the script.

Normal gay porn: oh hey I came over to give you a massage at a public pool, three minutes of horrid dialog and oh oops I somehow fell in and out of your butt for twenty minutes with horrid grunting and phrases like "fuck yeah" or "you like that!?"

Japanese gay porn: I really like you, I've had a crush on you for so long. Sometimes I imagine us being together. I saw you passing down the street and I couldn't get you out of my mind. I had to come say something. Sometimes i could be just sitting off on my own and I'll start to daydream. I drift of into almost another realm where we are all alone like I've always wanted but was too shy to ever tell. I have mustered up enough courage to tell you all this. Please don't be angry. I'm really shy and just want to be loved. May I kiss you? Just once? And maybe we will fall in love like I have always hoped. Twenty minutes of cute Japanese dialog and ten minutes of awkward kissing. Three minutes of crazy awkward sex and soft cute moaning.

Life Hack #5

When in doubt, break it off. Quick, simple, easy.