Waxed Wicks and Candle Sticks

every year, my mom would make me a personalized candle for my birthday. she started doing that when i was 3. lavender is probably my favorite essential oil she would use to make it.

i would usually make a wax ball out of the drippings and scald my hands. my mom would get mad. fun but painful.

its also fun wetting your index finger and your thumb with saliva and hearing the sizzle from the smothered wick.

why does she make candles for my birthday? well partly because it is my birthday on the 2nd of november and partly because its All Soul's Day. kind of a 2-in-1 thing. i didn't mind. i got used to it. graveyards and gravestones don't scare me anymore. heck i even touch and manipulate cadavers and bones like its no big deal.

we celebrate my birthdays in the cemetery, paying homage to my dead grandfather, dead aunt (and her dead dog.)

this year, its different. no more candles. no more birthdays in the cemetery.

it should be fun right? not quite.

my mom is s/p(status: post) kidney transplant and only god knows how much longer we can sustain her meds and basically her life. honestly, i miss my candles. i really don't know what will happen to us if she passes away. i should be receiving my 20th candle tomorrow, but i am not expecting it anymore. there are things that i just don't impose anymore.

i really don't mind walking on top of graves for my birthday. i only wish that i could have more birthday candles from my mom. nothing else.