How To Date Like A Milennial

image found on a friend's Twitter page

So I haven't written anything for the last 3 years??? I don't know. I haven't really had anything to write about. Life is swell to be really honest. Maybe I'll write about it some other day when I even find time. If you can notice, this is just a quick post of random shit I find peculiar and interesting.

I came across this image on twitter and basically it concisely systematizes how to date/flirt/hook-up a la millennial. I have seen people struggle their hardest in the dating scene. It's like seeing baby seals getting clubbed to death. It is that bad and brutal. I am not gonna name drop because I might just be throwing shade in general. *insert Miranda Priestly GIF*

So here, I found a quirk sheet/flowchart of some sort. IT IS VERY RELEVANT AND TIMELY. It's not overly sappy. It's not overly dramatic. It's like the updated Sex and The City conversations.

I guess I just wanted to post this up somewhere for future references. I don't know. Maybe it can help you and your friends in need too? HAHA.

This is to be filed under things I find on the internet. Also, my good friend is single and would very much like to try this flowchart out. Send me a message on twitter if you're interested. ;)

Slender

So last night, I tried playing this game called Slender: The Eight Pages. It's basically my fears all summed up into one game. And because I wanted to scare myself since Halloween is nearing, I mustered all my brave hormones and played it.

It is an FPS (first-person shooter) game and you'll be playing a character who got trapped in a very dark forest with only a flashlight to carry around. You'll be doing nothing but finding those eight pages in a vast expanse of trees and woods. Those pages can solve the mystery of the Slender Man or the antagonist.

According to sources, Slender Man generally captures children for his victims. There are no evidences on how his victims were killed or how he got you in the game.

He doesn't really shoot bullets or run or whatever, he is just creepy and that's enough to scare the shit out of me. You have to collect the clues to escape the eerie forest. He just magically appears on your screen and be all creepy. And when he does, your character's sanity drains and your screen will start to get staticky and fuzzy. He has no facial features. (FUCK) 

When you get your first page, he will appear to be really far. But when you get more pages or don't get them too quickly, he will appear more frequently and more closer to your line of sight. If he gets too close to you, your vision will blur and he will appear close up on the screen. You won't be able to press ESC or pause just to exit the game. And you will scream. (I punched my knee to stop me from shouting obscenities in the middle of the night and/or throwing my laptop away.)

What's funny is he isn't really scary. He just appears out of the darkness with his tentacles and doesn't do anything. What's also scary is that he looks like the ambient trees. You won't notice him until you look really close. And then you're gonna hear you're character's breathing go shallow and rapid. There's also that ambient noise when you know you're in deep shit. You just "die" of heart attack and fear of what Slender is gonna do to you. 

You won't beat Slender though, he will ultimately kill you. You'll just get to look at all the 8 notes and learn the terror behind the myth. I couldn't sleep the next day without my lights on and I've also decided not to go camping any time soon. True story.

And with that I know what I will be wearing for Halloween.

I Miss You

As I lay on my warm bed, my skin feeling sticky and sweaty, I exasperated. The hot air blowing from the fan brushes on my hair and face. The gentle droning of the fan is slowly lulling me to a deep slumber.

Somehow, the empty space beside me just feels so enormous. I felt longing and yearning, but there was no one. You were never there.

My skin prickles with something more than just yearning. My hands tried to mimic yours. It moved over my ticklish places; the ones that you love touching and kissing. I've always liked how my skin feels slippery after you kissed them.

I hugged my pillow as tightly as I can. The heat was getting more intense. My heart was racing and I was panting. I closed my eyes and imagined you were here, caressing my pale, sweaty and silky skin.

My groin felt ticklish and numb while I was lucidly dreaming about you. I felt my hands slipping and stroking. I was giving in.

My lips were as dry as the Gobi. I wet them while moaning. If only you could see how sad this scene was. These were the scenes that we were supposed to be doing together. You could see and feel how I miss you; how I lust for you.

I was burning against the orange-tinged sunset behind my window. I should always maintain my silent dignity, for it is the only thing that is left with me. I will wait, but I can't wait forever. Take me home, take me somewhere. I wanna to be with you.

And when the deed was done, I lay there wet and limp like a lily.

These are the languid vestiges of my sultry and lonely afternoons.