I Miss You

As I lay on my warm bed, my skin feeling sticky and sweaty, I exasperated. The hot air blowing from the fan brushes on my hair and face. The gentle droning of the fan is slowly lulling me to a deep slumber.

Somehow, the empty space beside me just feels so enormous. I felt longing and yearning, but there was no one. You were never there.

My skin prickles with something more than just yearning. My hands tried to mimic yours. It moved over my ticklish places; the ones that you love touching and kissing. I've always liked how my skin feels slippery after you kissed them.

I hugged my pillow as tightly as I can. The heat was getting more intense. My heart was racing and I was panting. I closed my eyes and imagined you were here, caressing my pale, sweaty and silky skin.

My groin felt ticklish and numb while I was lucidly dreaming about you. I felt my hands slipping and stroking. I was giving in.

My lips were as dry as the Gobi. I wet them while moaning. If only you could see how sad this scene was. These were the scenes that we were supposed to be doing together. You could see and feel how I miss you; how I lust for you.

I was burning against the orange-tinged sunset behind my window. I should always maintain my silent dignity, for it is the only thing that is left with me. I will wait, but I can't wait forever. Take me home, take me somewhere. I wanna to be with you.

And when the deed was done, I lay there wet and limp like a lily.

These are the languid vestiges of my sultry and lonely afternoons.

Scully Doesn't Know

Just because people like your posts, doesn’t mean you’re a genius. It just means you sound and seem like one, but in fact, there is no depth in your character. You’re as shallow as your posts are. Sad truth babydoll. You’ll never be a real blogger. I’ve seen more interesting pieces from 14 year-old girls.

Sincerely yours,
Your friendly neighborhood hipster.

XOXO

of Secret Societies and Microcosms

In a span of almost a year, I gained a ton of friends. It’s mainly because of tumblr or blogspot. Friends of friends got included in my social circles too. Over these past few months, my circle got exponentially bigger.

My high school friends, college friends, those who-I-dated-before-that-became-platonic-friends friends, friends of friends of friends, my sisters' friends, PR-friends-that-turned-out-to-be-bloggers, and more recently, tumblr friends & blogspot friends. Honestly, I am not that quite friendly to be exact, but how I made friends from outside my "comfort zone" is still is a big question mark for me. I usually don't make friends if I don't know people personally. So how my circles got this big, I don't know.

I’ve also noticed certain differences from those I’ve made friends with from tumblr and blogspot. I like them because I know I can relate to them, but sometimes they have these peculiar nuances that I seem to dislike a bit, but I know I can't complain, I don't have the right to. Besides, I still like them because they're really fun to be with and talk with. I enjoy their company A LOT.

Or maybe I'm just too... plastic? I don't know... LOL! I'm not saying that I am plastic, but I get along with people so quickly that it just seems so wrong. Hahaha.

In any case, it definitely is fun seeing how different they are from each other, yet they still feel familiar to me. If I could make a Venn Diagram of my friends -- the part where they would overlap, it would be pretty much, be... me.

Maybe the saying still goes.

“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell who you are.”

Crystal Castles - Not In Love ft. Robert Smith of The Cure

I saw your picture hangin' on the back of my door
won't give you my heart
no one lives there anymore
and we were lovers
now we can't be friends
fascination ends
here we go again
cause it's cold outside, when you coming home
cause it's hot inside, isn't that enough

I'm not in love

could it be that time has taken it's toll
won't take you so far, I am in control

and we were lovers
now we can't be friends
fascination ends
here we go again
cause it's cold outside, when you coming home
cause it's hot inside, isn't that enough

I'm not in love
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

we are not in love
we are not in love
we are not in love
we are not in love

Here's the kind of music that just keeps me sane actually. I'm a post-rock, post-punk, indie type of kid. Basically, hipster music at its finest. Not a lot of people listen to my kind of shit.

Hope you guys like it. 

Sensory Overload pt.2

"Okay na yan. Hehe.." SHIT MAN... I CAN'T COMPREHEND WHAT IS GOING ON.

"Ah ano candy?"

"Basta!!! Halika na, masarap to. Ang init eh." There was this glint in his eyes that just tells me to give in.

But my body heeded the call. It was like I was entranced by the pied piper of Hamelin.

I went inside their house, he invited me over to their couch. He turned on the fan and turned on the TV. I was sweating like a pig.

"Pawis na pawis ah. Hehe." AGAIN THAT SMILE AND TONE.

"Init eh... Hay..."

"Tamang tama... Eto oh..." Then things went on a total disaster.

Next thing I knew was, he was sucking. I was also sucking. It was long and hard. It was ecstasy. It was intense. It was totally unexpected. It got me pinned down and I was on full surrender.

"Sarap ba?"

"Ay naman... Kulang pa?"

"Oo eh, gusto ko pa...." like he was begging for more. OH MY FUCKING GOD

"Eh wala na ko barya. 3 pesos lang pera ko."

"Ay bitin pa ko... Libre kita..."

He pulled out more Ice Pops.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turns out, he was a new neighbor. He doesn't know I'm gay. He thinks I'm straight and shit. Well that's because I never go out of our house ever since I bloomed into a full blown flower. And when I do go out, I made sure I walked with swag so no one would ever dare ask me questions.

I don't know if he knows this but he's being all too delicious. LOL!

He was an engineer, he's about my age, he plays basketball and volleyball. He just wanted to make new friends. Well I'm not exactly that friendly especially around our neighborhood, but I made an exception. LOL.

Anyways, there was nothing, really. It was just a weird car accident that happened.

The summer heat has seeped inside my brain and melted it like ice cream.

Sensory Overload

It was hot as hell when I woke up. I was covered in sweat and so was my sheets. It felt different that day, like some sort of a weird car accident waiting to happen.

I went down to do Yoga and my morning routine. I prepared a bowl of oatmeal and bananas for breakfast. I tried to turn the TV on but to no avail, it didn't. I checked on my electric fan, it wasn't working either. Dad forgot to pay the electric bill and our service got cut before I even woke up.

I lied on the couch and manually fanned myself. It wasn't working. I thought to myself: maybe a bath will do the trick. And so I did.

I wore a very loose shirt and very short boxers. It was sort of a relief but I found myself fanning again after an hour.

Then I decided to get out of the house. Quite the wrong move actually. It was friggin' hotter outside with the sun beaming down me like there's no tomorrow. I had to wear longer shorts because my legs would stun everyone in the outside world. I looked for shade, I ran to the store.

To my amazement, the guy who was manning the store was cute. He was short, fair and had a very nice set of teeth. He has this very confident air about him and he knows it. Fuck, he's cute!!! Then the weirdest thing DID happen.

"Ano bibilihin mo? Ang init init ah. Ano gusto mo?" in a very you-know-you-want-me-or-it kind of way while he was sheepishly smiling.

I was speechless, I didn't know how to react. I WAS STUMBLING. For someone who deals with all sorts of people and for someone who has swagger, I was failing.

"Ah wala naman... Meron bang palamig? Haha..." I was trying to feel my pockets if I had any change with me. I had  about 3 pesos?

Then, he nodded. He stared at the very puzzled looking kid(me) and began to smirk.

"Halika dito, may iaalok ako sayo." he was smirking like he is on to something.

OH FUCK, WHAT NOW?!!!


"Uh, thanks na lang. Uuwi na ko. Naputulan kasi kami ng kuryente. Hindi nabayaran ni Daddy eh. Mukang tanga lang ako sa bahay." Woops... Why was I telling him details about my life?!!!

"Ah, san ka ba nakatira? Marunong ako mangalikot ng mga kuntador. Tatanggalin ko lang yung wire na kinakabit para tumigil yung ikot ng metro." He seemed to become more interested with the fact that we had no electricity. Oh good...

"Ay wag na po, pinabayaran ko na kay Daddy yun. Baka magkaroon na kami ulet ng kuryente."

"Naku nag cut-off na kaya, baka sa Monday pa ikabit ulet yan."

"Ah ganun ba? Hmm, eh wala ako pangbayad sayo. Wala parents ko, tsaka pumasok sa school mga kapatid ko."

"Hindi sige okay lang yan, mahilig lang talaga ako mangalikot... Hehe..." That just sounded so wrong on many levels...


He called on their house-help to man the store for him.


So I decided to let him tinker with the meter. We live in an apartment handed down by my paternal grandmother and the meter was not inside the house per se, so I guess it was quite safe. I think he might kill me or steal something inside our house or worse, HE MIGHT RAPE ME...(?)

I went inside the house to check if the service was back. I tried to switch the lights on, it flickered and turned off again. CRAP!!!


"Putangina, nawala, ano na nangyari?!" I yelled

"Try mo i-reset yung circuit breakers sa loob ng fuse box niyo."

"Okay...?" I panicked because I have no idea where our fuse box is. I just thought, I'll just tough it out. I don't want to invite him inside our house.

"Nahanap mo ba?"

"Hinde..."

"Pasok ako ha, tulungan kita..." and he came barging in while I was holding on to my flashlight like it was a sword.

He found the fuse box inside our cupboards, only he wasn't able to reach it... HA!!! LOOK AT YOU NOW Mr. HIGH AND MIGHTY. So, in the end, I was able to reset the circuit breakers and the electricity was running again. Thanks to my height advantage over him. I felt more macho than him. Nikki - 1, Him - 0.

"Wow, ikaw na matangkad." He commented.

"HAHAHA, pungok ka lang." I laughed out.

"Salamat ah, nanglait pa. Ikaw na nga tinulungan."

"Aw, sorry dude. Haha." Then he disarmed me again with that smile.

"Oh dapat bayaran mo na ko. Penge ako tubig."

"Hindi kaya malamig, nawalan kaya kami ng kuryente..." I said sarcastically.

"Ay oo nga, punta ka muna sa tindahan namin. Libre mo ko. Hehehe." WAIT WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?


"Ha?! 3 piso na lang pera ko. Sabi ko sayo wala akong pambayad." 

***to be continued***

Bohemian Bellaroca

Summer is fast approaching, there's already this slight hint of sultriness in the afternoons. Something inside of me is welling up fast and tumultuous.

Everything about summer feels so lively and energetic that I feel light and airy myself.

My friends and I are planning to get a vacation in Bellaroca. In fact, we already thought of it last year, it's just that we didn't have enough money that time. I just had left work about a year ago. Now, I am making sure that I do get to a beach, even if its not in Bellarocca. Just any beach outing/weekend would do.

I just miss the sand under my feet, shifting and sliding. The ticklish searing heat of the sun on my "anemic" skin is a treat too.

Speaking of which, I need to go and get my summer bod again. I need to call on my Anorexia Nervosa and the willpower to jog, do some Yoga poses and a 30-minute toning workout. It's like preparing for a casting call and photoshoot again, but honestly, I just want to go to a beach where I can swim without being called "Marshmallow."

Last summer, Boracay was spectacular. I wasn't able to enjoy it fully though because I had to take care of my cousin(and the gadgets.) I just spent the whole 3 days walking to and from our hotel in station 2, to the grotto and then back again. Imagine this: it's like walking down on a runway, only to find out there are guys(?) who look better than you while you just parade around like you don't give a fuck.Went on Facebook to update and post pics, got my hair done in cornrows, rode the banana boat, went on a weird trip around the island. I got to drink, but not party. No fooling around, no silly business. My kind of thing actually.

I now have the motivation to earn: to be on a vacation on my own means.

The question is, who's gonna go with me?